MegJitsu

I love Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. You found my BJJ blog!

Women in BJJ and Rape

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As the new year began, one woman’s trust in her team mates was shattered. As many readers will no doubt already be aware, two BJJers from Lloyd Irvin, Matthew Maldonado and Nicholas Shultz, were caught on CCTV in Washington DC sexually assaulting a woman. This woman, drunk after a NYE party, put her trust in the guys from her gym to take her to a friend’s for the night. You can read a full report of the incident here

This sad and shocking news has ignited debate and controversy within the BJJ community and the martial arts world more generally, with some excusing – at least in part – the actions of the alleged* rapists because:

  • the woman was drunk
  • the woman is alleged to have been sexually uninhibited in the past

For me, I’m firmly in the ‘it is in no way her fault’ camp along with fine BJJ bloggers such as Megan (Tangled Triangle) and Georgette (Georgette’s Jiu Jitsu World).

For the record:

  • it’s not her fault
  • bad things don’t just happen to ‘bad’ people / those who deserve it
  • it is a reasonable expectation for a woman to assume personal safety, as men do, during a drunken night out in the company of friends

As already noted by Megan and Georgette, there is pernicious victim-blaming at play in aspects of the discussion around this crime, which might seem at odds with the self defence rhetoric integral to martial arts and BJJ. I believe, however, that one of the most problematic aspects of self defence discourse is exactly its tendency to justify blaming the the victim. This was highlighted to me most clearly when I sought to share a ‘real life’ experience of a simple purse-snatching on the street, which I am in no way equating to this assault or any violent crime, but using as an example of victim-blaming in marial arts culture. While I’d hoped to offer an alternative perspective to the ‘this is how it will happen’ assertions of instructors and students alike, the discussion didn’t, as I’d hoped it might, reflect on the some of the masculine perspectives and fantasies that can inform discussions of ‘self defence’, but rather the emphasis was on my failings as a person and a martial artist. Be that as it may, I reject the fallacy that individuals who train are immune to being the victims of crime because of their ‘special powers’. I mean, the reason ‘Master Ken’ is funny, is because he hits pretty close to the mark.

Sure, instructors and students can share valuable insights into likely scenarios based on their own experiences and research into violent crime, however, all too often discussions of likely scenarios are presented in a language of certainty. In turn, a (false) confidence in foretelling ‘what will happen’ can engender a belief among martial artists that they themselves can foresee, prepare for, and instantly respond to any and all situations in the manner of Jason Bourne. I believe it is this sort of thinking, prevalent within our community – the belief that danger can always be foreseen/avoided/countered – that helps to support, within the martial arts world, wider societal tendencies to blame the victim in cases of sexual violence.

There are alternative voices responding to this disgusting and tragic happening, and there have been some prominent (male) voices coming out in condemnation of this incident. Ryan Hall’s Open Letter to the Martial Arts Community and Rener and Ryron Gracies’s video response to the assault provide a lot of food for thought from the perspective of instructors and academy owners on the obligation to create a culture of love and service, rather than predation and domination within their clubs (something I’m proud to say is a central priority for my instructor, Dave Birkett and his club, Dartford BJJ).

As a woman in BJJ, what I find most horrifying about this crime is the betrayal of trust between team mates. THESE PEOPLE TRAINED TOGETHER! BJJ practice is dangerous. While BJJ can be practiced to high intensity in relative safety, ACLs get snapped; pectoral muscles get detached; elbows get dislocated; eyes blackened; noses busted; and sometimes much worse. As BJJers we enter into a bond of trust with our team mates, we agree, every time we train together, that we will apply submissions with respect and STOP as soon as our partner asks us to, for any reason. Grappling is an incredibly intimate art and through all the awkward 69s, boobs in faces, and sweat drips into eyes, we trust each other to respect each other. It’s the only way it works. At least, that’s the only way it works for me. I would feel 100% confident to get hammered with my team mates and make and arse out of myself, knowing that we’d look after each other; shoot, I took off on a ‘lad’s weekend’ abroad with a dozen of my male colleagues and never once considered that I would be in any danger – we partied and drank and there was no sex and no rape. Men are not beasts enslaved to their baser instincts, any more or less so than women, and men and women have the right to expect to be in each others’ company, doing stuff like BJJ, or disco dancing and body shots, without fearing for personal safety. So, I write again, it is not her fault.

Finally, I appreciate that this post may spark debate and high emotions in all sorts of ways, but today I must disable comments for this post. All things being equal, I encourage open discussion here, but with the new baby in my life, I could not give your feedback and comments the attentive and careful response that you deserve. Thanks, as ever, for reading.

* This is a formality. Maldonado and Schultz have not yet been convicted. But let’s keep it real, people, the evidence is about as uncompromising as it gets.

New Year’s Resolutions: A Woman Starts BJJ

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As one year comes to an end and another begins, many folk get to thinking about what they’d like to achieve, how they’d like to improve, and how they plan to take life to the next level in the new year. For many folks, this includes resolutions around health and fitness. Certainly, in month four of postpartum, I’m feeling the ‘get fit in the new year’ vibe pretty hard. Indeed, for the past 2 months I’ve been working on raising my activity levels including semi-weekly BJJ privates with my instructor. While I am getting the reflexes back little by little, there’s a lot to relearn and, on top of feeling, fat slow and generally not my old ‘tronic self, that can be an invitation to a bit of a self-pity party. And lo, an awesome correspondence has got me pumped and really inspired.

A light painting of the year 2013 written against a black background
Happy New Year!

A friend of MegJitsu on Facebook, let’s call her Lily*, has been kind enough to share with me her first steps into the world of BJJ. As readers will already appreciate, BJJ is great for women, and women are great for BJJ. Nevertheless, it can be seriously daunting to step into your first class which is why open mats and women’s only classes, not to mention sensitive instructors and students, are so important and helpful to encouraging women’s participation. Once folk get on the mats, the fun and fantastic of BJJ pretty much sells itself, but taking those first steps can be really hard, especially, I believe, for women. So big props to our kind friend for taking the plunge and for sharing her thoughts with us which she’s kindly allowed me to reproduce here. We hope they are of interest to other women thinking about getting started in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

The Context

Lily got in touch with me a few weeks before starting BJJ with some questions about gi. She shared her story about getting out of shape and looking to regain control of her health and wellbeing:

I had slowly gotten out of shape and gained 60 lbs over the past few years due to a high stress job and bad stress management. I was in denial and very unhappy about it for a long time. On November 12 I joined a bootcamp class at a BJJ academy that is taught by BJJ blackbelts. I’ve lost about 25 lbs since then doing that and running. They told me I should try BJJ but I was hesitant about doing it, because even though I think it’s awesome, I was nervous about me doing it.

Lily’s interest was peaked and she started digging around online, reading this and other blogs about being a women in BJJ. She got herself a gi (a Vulcan for you gi-freaks) and resolved to get on the mats in the new year.

The Class

The experience was an overwhelmingly positive one, and I was delighted to receive a follow up email from Lily recounting her first class.

I had my first class this morning! It was awesome. I was so nervous. I spent from 8am to 11:15 getting ready for the class, taking a 45 min shower, trying to relax. Yet once I got there I wasn’t so nervous. I was a bit nervous walking in, but my instructor came up to me, fixed my belt, then told me for the first few classes I would be working directly with him on the side of the class.

Class began with a warm-up exercise, I think it’s called shrimping, where you’re lying down on your back, you pull say your right foot back to your butt, then you turn to the left and push with your foot while pushing your hips up and to the left and arms down towards your feet, then switch sides, and do that across the gym. The instructor was next to me the entire time and told me not to worry about doing it as fast as the other students but instead to try to do it perfectly. I was alright at it, although not very fast, and confused which leg to use a couple times.

Then my instructor had me sit down and asked me what I’d do if someone was attacking me from above. He showed me how to fall back and put my feet up and use them to push off his hips. Explained what the guard was. Had me lie down and move around in guard while he circled me. I wasn’t at all nervous working with him. Part of it might have been that I’ve been doing the bootcamp since November, and I really trust him as a teacher and know he’s a nice person. Part of it might be that I’ve read that it’s important to try to stay calm, relax, and breath. Either way, once I started practicing with him, I wasn’t nervous. I was enjoying it. He was being very gentle, not using strength, just technique. I’ve always loved martial arts, but was worked that the personal space issue would bother me with BJJ. But it wasn’t an issue at all.

Then another new student arrived and my instructor had us work together. The new guy was good with fast movement and was very strong. Our instructor had us practice on the ground being in guard, rotating who is on top/bottom. Then he showed us how to go into side control from there. Then guard–side control–mount. Then guard–side control–mount–americana arm bar. He said to tap when you feel it, don’t try to hold out. When it came time for us to practice together, he told the other guy that he had to be gentle with me and not hurt me. He said that multiple times throughout the session, that he better not hurt me–nicely, but directly. It was nice knowing my instructor was looking out for me and making sure I wouldn’t get hurt. I want to give it my best shot and don’t want to be wimpy, but it’s nice knowing that they are going to make sure I don’t get hurt. The new guy was actually pretty nice, and probably didn’t need to be told not to be rough, but I guess the teachers are wary with new guys because of all the UFC types. I sat out the sparring part, was told to watch. Not sure when they will have me try that. Probably not until I know some more stuff.

Watching the sparring, I was able to see how intense it can be, but also how the students interacted with each other. There are some huge guys in the class and some tiny girls. And the biggest guy was sparring with a small girl and they looked like they were having a great time, and he wasn’t using his weight against her (probably 100 lbs on her) and was focusing on technique, and she was doing a good job holding her own. They were both blue belts. So I think it’s a great place to have joined. I appreciate how they made my first class such a great experience. I’m sure it’s going to get a lot harder once I participate with the rest of the class instead of doing the on-the-sides beginner prep with the instructor. But I’m looking forward to it. Also, I think it’s super nice that the top black belts take the time to work with the newest person.

Wow! What a great story. Lots of things stand out for me. Firstly, that’s one heck of a good description of shrimping and drills from the back by someone who’s never done BJJ before – impressive, grasshopper (though does Lily has previous martial arts experience). Secondly, I love how the instructor is making a special effort to ease Lily into the class. He’s sensitive to the fact that walking into a male-dominated grappling sweat-factory can be a little scary for a woman, and is working hard to mitigate that so that she can get started and move towards being integrated into the main class. Really very cool. So much to learn from Lily’s story about how to help new people get involved; huge thanks to her for sharing with us.

So, next time you’re feeling a bit low about your own practice, or a friend looks interested, but too scared to start, remember Lily’s story and her beginner’s spirit. Happy New Year, friends!

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Q1 London BJJ Women’s Open Mat: 3 February 2013 at Total Dojo

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Hayley Carter works from closed guard
Hayley Carter works from closed guard

Date: 3 February 2013
Time: 12:00-16:00
Location: Total Dojo, The Brunel Centre, Milton Keynes MK2 2ES
Address:
Cost: Free

Our Q1 2013 London BJJ Women’s Open Mat will be held on Sunday 3 February 2013 and will be hosted by Hayley Carter and the good people at Total Dojo. We are pleased to invite women, aged 18 and over, to join our informal session of drilling and sparring. No grappling experience is required and the Open Mat is a great opportunity for seasoned players to train with other women and for women new to BJJ to try out the art in a friendly environment. The Open Mat is free of charge.

Email Hayley on hcarter89@hotmail.co.uk for more info.

Join the event on Facebook

Q4 2012 London BJJ Women’s Open Mat Review

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group photo of BJJ women
London BJJ Women’s Open Mat Nov 2012

Hurray for 3 years of London BJJ Women’s Open Mats! That’s right, we just closed down 3 years of women coming together to get their BJJ on. Our most recent event was hosted by the ladies of Nova Forca, Rebekka Francis and Anthea McCourtie, and sponsored by Lutadora; Lutadora provided fruit and flapjacks and shot a short ‘montage’ film to be released shortly!

As ever, the Open Mat rocked a brilliant atmosphere with 16 women on the mats. Experience ranged from white and blue belts up to black belt, Esther Tang, and brown belt Yasmine Wilson. Sparring was preceded by a warm up and technique led by Esther. International flavour was added with a Danish visitor and the Open Mat provided an opportunity for fun reunions for some of the women who attended camps in Denmark and Netherlands over the past year.

Stay tuned! Plans are already in motion for the first event in 2013, which will be announced shortly.

Pregnancy and BJJ: Postpartum

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Pregnancy and birth takes a substantial toll on your body (and mind) and the conventional wisdom is that it takes a year to fully recover from the experience. Keeping active through your pregnancy can help you to perform well during the birth as well as to maximise your recovery postpartum. In the UK, the guidance for the first 6 weeks postpartum is to undertake light exercise such as short walks and to rehab the core and pelvic floor with pelvic tilts, Kegels and belly-button-to-spine; at your 6 week appointment, all going well you’ll be cleared for more rigourous activity. How much and how quickly you can return to your desired activity levels will depend on your fitness before and during pregnancy, the support you have for being apart from your baby and the sort of postpartum complications your body may experience.

Getting It Back Together

baby boy smiling
Early smiles at 6 and a half weeks

In my case, I was comfortable with reasonably long but slow walks from the day after the birth; since we got home, the boy and I have been doing 50-60 minute walks on a close to daily basis. During the first few weeks, these were very slow and as long as I didn’t show signs of over doing it (such as increased bleeding), I felt comfortable with this level of activity; 9 weeks in and the boy and I are power-walking all over the neighbourhood most days. Walking is my main form of exercise at the moment, and UK-women might be interested in an organised walking fitness program such as Pushy Mothers. Walks with the pram are a good option for new mothers as it is free, gets you out of the house, can be performed pretty soon after getting home (assuming a complication-free birth) and doesn’t rely on childcare, not to mention getting out and about stimulates and entertains your little one while helping him to learn day from night. In addition to the health benefits, it can offer an opportunity to meet other new mothers and babies in your neighbourhood and thus build up your local support system.

In addition to daily walks, I’ve been working my core rehab since the day after the birth:

  • Kegels or pelvic floor exercises are vital to your postpartum rehab. These exercises should have been part of your pregnancy regime, but if not, it is never too late to start. The pelvic floor muscles support your internal organs, help with bladder control, and work with your abs for core stability. These little guys take a beating and after the birth you may have trouble activating them, but stay persistent; for me, within a few days I felt I had the same control of the muscles as before the birth. In the short term, working the pelvic floor can help increase blood flow and speed healing of any stitches, while in the medium and longer term an investment in your pelvic floor will help you to get back to your regular activity and regain your core control.
  • Pelvic tilts help to rehab your abs and mobilise your back.
  • Belly-button-to-spine practiced in combination with pelvic tilts will help to knit your abs back together and ready your body for upping your activity levels.

I have performed 1-3 sets of these exercise everyday since the birth and after about 4 weeks of consistent effort I felt I’d started to get the abs knitted together and working properly. Immediately after the birth, don’t be alarmed if you feel a couple inches gap running down the middle of your abs. While in extreme cases the separation of the abs can be so severe that an operation will be needed to bring them back together, for many women rehab should allow you to get them back in shape. Over the first few weeks of working my basic exercises, gradually, I was able to activate more of the abs working from the obliques to the middle. From 7 weeks postpartum I started Pilates classes and now at 9 weeks postpartum I can confidently activate the abs and they feel firm (under the baby-flab).

Complicating Factors

Meg and baby at the desk
Maternity leave? Not when you’re the boss!

Breastfeeding is great for mother and baby in all sorts of ways. From a getting fit point of view, in the early days it is integral to helping your uterus shrink back to its pre-natal proportions and in the medium term it helps you to burn calories and the fat stores accumulated during pregnancy. However, it can complicate your postpartum fitness regime.

1 Relaxin

Some women feel comfortable taking the walking to the next level and running soon after the birth. This isn’t an option for me. For women choosing to breastfeed, as I am, your body will continue to be flushed with the relaxin hormone well after the birth. Relaxin helps to soften the ligaments in preparation for the birth and, if like me, you’ve had ‘issues’ with your knees, running or other high impact work may not be an option for you until you’ve weaned and worked the relaxin out of your system. Indeed, at 7 weeks postpartum I lightly ran 50 feet to catch the bus and caused an ‘acute flare up’ in my knee (readers may recall I had ACL reconstruction in Sept 2011). I’ve been able to reduce the irritation using a neoprene brace for compression and stability, plenty of icing, elevation and rest. After a week and half of TLC, the knee can take ‘power walks’ again, and I often use the brace to give that little bit of added support during walks. However, for me, running and impact work is going to be out of bounds while nursing.

2 Feeding

Breastfeeding is particularly demanding for the first 6 months and before you’ve introduced some solids. Your baby will need you close at hand and this can make getting out to the gym problematic, hence why walks with the buggy are such a good option. For my family, we’ve had mixed results with getting the boy to take a bottle of expressed milk; without the option of having someone else offer some of the baby’s feeds you’re going to find it crazy-difficult to do much self-care. We’re persisting and at the moment I can make a Saturday morning Pilates class; we’re also starting mommy and baby yoga next week. Over time, the baby will be less reliant on me, and while I love taking care of him, it is important to take time out to work on my own bod. One Pilates session a week is much less than I’d like, but it is a start and if we can crack this bottle thing I can take that up to 2-3 depending on childcare.

3 Childcare

You may be lucky enough to have loads of family and friends near by to help care for your baby, or you may, like me, be pretty much on your own. My partner is great and is a very proactive dad, but he’s out of the house for work most days, which really reduces my options during these early months. Evening classes are a possibility, once the little lord will consent to bottles of expressed milk on a regular basis, but then evenings are also the ‘witching hour’ when baby is most upset and needs his mommy. Again, opportunities to take time out will become more available over time, but if you’re finding that your workout schedule isn’t very ambitious, don’t beat yourself up about it – you and your family will find a rhythm and little by little you’ll get where you’re going.